I know just where to start
by drinkpetrol
Summary: I'm Kurt Hummel. I like Gaga, being right, and movies that end with people in sunglasses driving sports cars. My hobbies? I like shopping. My perks? Cursing in French. And my top ten things to do before I die? ...Blaine Anderson is definitely number one.
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to get really smutty, or at least I hope it does, but for now it's just a fun little opening chapter. Let me know if it works. If not I can scrap it and start a new fic with much more depth. **

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><p>I'm Kurt Hummel. I like Gaga, being right, movies that end with people in sunglasses driving sports cars, and quite recently I've taken a shine to cinnamon flavoured lip gloss. I dislike sweatpants, movies that end with slow motion explosions, people who think they're right when you know they're wrong, and people who show you pictures of their cats.<p>

For Halloween last year I dressed for Christmas, Santa hat, tinsel, the works. I thought it was hilarious but no one else seemed to appreciate the irony of it all. My hobbies? I like shopping. My perks? Cursing in French. And my top ten things to do before I die? ...Blaine Anderson is definitely number one.

I'm staring at him right now. He recently transferred from some private school. I've heard/stalked his facebook that his dad lost his job and they had to make some cut backs. Adorably he still insists on wearing his school blazer, says he feels lost without it, which unsurprisingly doesn't go down very well at Mckinley. Apart from the blazer, the first thing you notice about him is his hair, his floppy, messy curls that are tamed neatly with gel at the beginning of the day and gradually break free as the lessons draw on. Sometimes I just want to bury myself in it. I could live there quite happily, telling it about my day, whispering sweet nothings to it. Mercedes tells me I have problems.

She's right. He's been here for over a month now and I have barely said 2 words to him. The most pressing problem is that when he looks at me I lose the ability to speak. I develop a hideous rash and begin to stammer. He thinks it's a medical thing. Mercedes asked him to pass something insignificant to me and he actually whispered "Who's Kurt? The guy with the stutter?" So now I have the added dilemma of ' do I lie and play along?' or 'tell the truth and admit that he makes me nervous?' It's much easier to opt for the former.

I even watched Clueless for tips the other day. Apparently it's good to show flesh because this reminds boys of being naked and this in turn reminds them of sex. I have always been a little wary of that whole area (and a whole lot nervous about it) but I figured there was no harm in following Cher's advice. I popped on a jumper that fell loosely off my shoulders, exposing my collar bone, which is as risqué as I am ever going to get. Unfortunately it's winter, so I just sat shivering at my desk, and I am already ghostly white at the best of times so I must've looked on the verge of death.

It got his attention though, Blaine leaned over and whispered "Are you ok? You don't look so good..."

Mercedes assures me he merely meant I looked ill, but a tiny part of me died that day and I don't believe in reincarnation.

Tip number 2: send yourself gifts, make yourself look in demand. I thought it a little arrogant but I was desperate, so I brought a single flower to school and tied a ribbon around it, attaching my name on a tiny piece of card. I 'oooed' a little as I pulled out the chair to reveal my present and began reading the name tag.

"Do you know who put this here for me?" I asked Blaine who was sat 2 empty desks away. He liked to get to class early to "prepare his notes" but I gathered the real reason he did this was because he didn't like hanging around in the corridors where there was a high chance of being beaten up.

"It's weird they knew what desk you were going to sit at." Blaine looked genuinely bewildered. He was right though, I changed desks in Math class constantly. I cursed myself inwardly... in French. I didn't try that again.

That left me with rule 3: 'anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good.' Easy. I've got a pen. I've got a mouth. I was surely onto a winner here. So I waited until Blaine was looking in my general direction and began dragging the lid along my lips. It wasn't long before I started to get a little carried away, swirling my tongue playfully around the tip and sighing with frustration. I let my eyelids flutter delicately as I pursed my lips and began to slide the length carefully inside my mouth. I completely missed Blaine's tiny whimper, missed him crossing his legs and practically knocking himself out on the tabletop, because I suddenly started to taste ink. I hurriedly licked my finger, which became coated with black spit. It was soaking into my lips too. I felt anything but attractive and spent a good few seconds spluttering into my hand before I had to go and clean myself up in the toilets.

I sold Clueless on ebay that night.

So now I'm all out of ideas. I should probably accept that he's out of my league but I tend to get a little obsessive over boys. I mean, I didn't quit until Finn had moved into my bedroom and my dad had to have a 'talk' with me about taking advantage of Sam. I keep assuming it's different this time because Blaine is actually gay, but then I can't automatically assume that because we're both gay he's going to be into me. Although I like to think that it makes us a perfect match.

I wish I could say I was bullied for being gay. It would make for a very dramatic, brooding autobiography. But alas it's 2011 and gay is in this year... last year it was vampires... the year before it was High School Musical. Instead I have to reluctantly admit I am actually bullied for being a show tune singing geek... (yeah the high school musical craze faded fast) some people say being gay is the same thing, and to be honest I should try harder to break the stereotype, but there are plenty of gay guys on the football team to do that for me.

I think it was Sue Sylvester who made me question my sexuality, and by that I mean made me question if I was actually straight. I'd never really thought about it before just gone with the flow... the flow being dreaming about boys dressed in Alexander McQueen, and waking up having to run to the toilet every night because I never did anything about it. Weird how the body sorts its own needs out. Anyway this year I was determined to put a stamped seal of approval on my gayness, and if I got cured of my 4:00am ejaculation problem in the process then that would be a bonus... Of course I knew just who to start with, but I needed to get his attention.

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><p>I'm Blaine Anderson. I like dressing up as Harry Potter, collecting Sonic the Hedgehog memorabilia and pretending I'm really into football because it's a riveting game when actually I just like the fact that I can stare at guys' arses in front of my dad. I dislike catching my bag on door handles and being dragged backwards, eating cold pizza, and being shouted at for staring at "guys who aren't on a football team's" arses.<p>

For Halloween last year I went as bizarro Mario. I attempted to grow a real moustache but failed. My hobbies? Staring at footballers' arses. My perks? Also staring at footballers' arses. Top 10 things to do before I die? 10 footballers' arses... I'm actually quite a one-dimensional person.

Don't get me wrong I would never date a footballer. They've all had a few too many blows to the head. I think one of them tried to hit on me here at Mckinley, but then I'm not sure if 'playing for his team' was a double entendre or if he was actually confused about who his teammates were.

I do have one slight crush though. I only just learnt his name, and he has a stutter and a weird skin condition, and I think he has a stalker, but despite (and because of) all these things I think he is absolutely adorable. I actually got hard in class last week watching him suck on his pen. And seriously, he was good at it. I mean the pen basically exploded in his mouth. Just imagine, if he can do that to a pen then what would he be able to do to me? Hopefully the exact same thing...

Anyway I'm going off track here there are so many more important, much deeper things to share with you... so yeah I actually had to tuck my penis under my belt to cover up my erection! The little sighs he was making, ah delightful, and his tongue was working like magic. Harry Potter would've been put to shame. I just want to make it clear now that I do not fancy Harry Potter. I just like dressing up in wizard robes and singing about Hogwarts... which is far less weird.

Although I do think about sex a lot, and I like to think I'm pretty confident when it comes to guys, I've never had a boyfriend. This is probably _why_ I'm so confident and thinking about sex so much... I'm yet to get knocked down and discover that sex is painful and unfulfilling. Until then though I am free to imagine Kurt's pretty little arse making its way down my cock as he whimpers my name and fingers my hole simultaneously. After I cum I feel wrong about it, like I should be asking his permission to imagine him that way, but I have yet to gather the courage to confront him with "Excuse me, but do you mind if I fantasize about fucking you tonight? I didn't think you would but I thought it polite to ask."

I wish I could say I got picked on for being gay, but unfortunately I have to admit that it's my private school mannerisms and the fact that I don't feel right without my Dalton blazer that get me beaten up. I'm not saying it's cool to get picked on for being gay, I'm just saying that it's much easier to tell people "oh it's because I'm gay which I can do nothing about" as opposed to "oh it's because I'm a weird little private school kid who is up his own ass." God I wish I could actually get up my own ass... Ok I really need to get laid... and I know just where to start!

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading! Keep it? Scrap it? Somebody please tell me what to do so that I don't have to make my own decisions.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! I'm not sure I like it yet, but it's just a bit of fun so hope someone does! I have this complex though, where I hate everything I write and everything I do. I guess it's called being human.**

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><p>Week 5 with the lovely Blaine Anderson blocking my view in every lesson and I was starting to go a little insane. I'd even started calling my dad Blaine by mistake, which is a little creepy but bear in mind I'd also called my French teacher Blaine, my pet fish Blaine, and my new designer scarf Blaine. Yeah... sometimes I talk to my scarves. Every time someone said something that rhymed with Blaine or sounded like Blaine my ears pricked up. I was obsessed, and I knew I was obsessed. I'd even gone out looking for a navy blazer with the intention of wrapping it around my lampshade to make it look vaguely Blaine like. I scrapped that idea when I realised that I was going a bit too far and the next phase would be covering my room with his pictures and cutting out their eyes.<p>

I know I said my 4:00am wake-ups were based entirely on boys in Alexander McQueen, but recently they'd been replaced by Blaines... and I mean Blaines plural. Sometimes there would be as many as five of them. I'd wake up whimpering his name and have to run to the bathroom to preserve my sheets. Last night there was just the one Blaine, singular, and he'd rubbed himself against me until I'd begged him to stop. Even in my dreams I didn't really want to come. I guess I knew subconsciously what the consequences would be.

As for his facebook, I might as well have made it my homepage. I'd looked through all his pictures, even the ones where he was dressed as a wizard, compared all his likes to mine, and added his cell number to my phonebook.

There were many times that I'd written texts to him, but I never had the courage to press send. And then one particularly sleep deprived 4:00am I woke up hard. Blaine had been taunting me in my dream, pushing my hips down into the bed and dragging his tongue teasingly slowly over my tip. I woke up aching, tossing and turning, unable to get the image out of my head. I buried my face into the pillow, whimpering a little as I reached into my underwear to reposition my neglected cock. It was throbbing relentlessly. I had to press it into the sheets to try and dull the pain.

I found myself wishing that Blaine was here to sort me out. I moaned into my pillow at the thought, all the while subconsciously rubbing myself off against the sheets. I don't know what possessed me to do what I did next, but I found myself reaching for my phone and dialling Blaine's number.

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><p>Not many things scare me, my dad, being a virgin for life, and missing an episode of Gossip Girl maybe, but creepy 4:00am phone calls involving a lot of heavy breathing are enough to make me piss my pants. To make it worse I was in the middle of a sex dream and Kurt was just about to undress. I picked my phone up on instinct, my eyes still half closed and my mind still trying to clutch at the image of Kurt unzipping his trousers.<p>

"h'lo?" My voice was hoarse, my throat dry.

Nothing. I tried again.

"Hello?" Much better. I sounded vaguely human this time.

Still no answer, but I could hear breathing at the other end.

"What do you want?" I was confused, half asleep. I glanced at the clock. 4:00am. Too late to be Hagrid ringing me about wizarding school.

More breathing, heavier now.

"Who is this?" I must admit I was getting more than a little frightened. My parents were both out of town and my house was rather remote. "Look my boyfriend's here and he knows karate..." I tried to make that sound intimidating, but it was more of a squeak than a threat.

The perpetrator took in one deep shaky breath and a few seconds later the phone went dead.

I was fully awake now, too scared to pull back the curtains in case some freakishly disturbed individual was standing outside my house. I checked the wardrobe though and dialled 911 on my phone, my finger hovering over the call button in case I was to find anything in there. Now I look back, I have no idea why someone would want to hide in my wardrobe and call my cell phone from there, but it seemed highly plausible at the time.

The next day I carried a rape alarm to school.

I was completely paranoid. I found myself constantly checking over my shoulder. I knew there was some weirdo out there just waiting for the right moment to attack me. Every slam of a locker, every cough, every ring of the school bell had me jumping like Tinkerbell on speed. Is that too gay an analogy?

"Blaine?"

"Argh!" See what I mean?

I turned round to see Kurt Hummel in clothes that left nothing to the imagination, but frankly my imagination was working over time anyway. It had been 5 weeks now, 5 weeks that I'd been imagining him wanking me off every night. My mum even questioned me about him at the breakfast table one morning. Apparently I'd shouted out his name in my sleep. My dad wasn't around, but even so I lied and said Kurt was the school football mascot, a white rabbit in a helmet. Then I prayed I hadn't said anything sexual about him because... well that's a little weird.

"Oh it's you!" I breathed a sigh of relief, smiling at Kurt and leaning against my locker. I was trying to look incredibly laid back, difficult when my body was screaming with the urge to push him up against the wall and consume every part of him. I tried to stop my eyes from wandering. I couldn't wait to check out his ass. Patience Blaine. Patience. "Sorry I'm just not with it today."

"Late night last night?"

"Kind of..."

He eyed me suspiciously.

"Well I found this and I just wanted to give it to you."

Ah Kurt. There's nothing I want more than for you to give it to me. I spaced out for a moment, imagining Kurt positioning himself at my entrance. The next thing I knew Kurt had shoved my pencil case into my hands, and I was staring at his backside as he marched away down the corridor. Fortunately the best cure for an erection is a slushy in the face. And lucky me! I was in the right place at the right time.

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><p>I couldn't believe Blaine had a boyfriend. Well I could believe it. I just couldn't believe it wasn't me. I mean we both have the same favourite childhood film. Well I have to admit I only watched 'The Last Unicorn' last week because I saw that Blaine liked it ...but I imagine childhood me would have loved it. And he wears scarves. I wear scarves. We would be<em> awesome <em>together.

What kind of guy sleeps at his boyfriend's house on a school night anyway? He must be a complete slut. Is that Blaine's type? I cursed myself for my love of fluffy pink pens and knitted sweaters. They weren't exactly a turn on... I mean they might make _me_ hard but I'm not your average guy. Plus at the moment everything is making me hard, even episodes of Lassie.

I need to up my game. If Blaine likes slutty guys then that is exactly what I am going to become. You should see my outfit for tomorrow. I've laid out my Single Ladies leotard ensemble, extra tight now that I've grown a bit since last year. I'm pairing it with some killer white boots, Gagaesque bed hair, and deep red lip stick smeared carelessly across my face. I might even add some eyeliner smudges to make myself look that little bit more debauched. I am going to look like I worked the town last night and Blaine is going to love it.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, shouting to my dad that I would be back in a few hours.

"Where are you going?" He shouted back.

"I've signed up for karate lessons."

I missed the puzzled grin crossing his face as he sank back into his newspaper; he was clearly incredibly amused at the concept.

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><p>1:00am and I was still awake. I hadn't brushed my teeth because the shower curtain was drawn and I reckoned someone was hiding in the bath. Fretting, I picked up my phone to check the time again and as I did so it went off in my hand. I threw it halfway across the room in panic, screaming like a little girl.<p>

Oh. Low battery.

I cursed myself for being such a douche. I needed to take my mind off murderers, and rapists, and contorted Japanese girls with rotting skin. I really shouldn't have watched The Ring earlier.

I knew just what to do.

I let my hand slip casually into my boxers, sighing a little as I imagined Kurt do the same. He was stroking himself gently, tiny gasps of pleasure escaping his lips. He was on his knees above me, making me watch.

I let out my first moan of the evening, not bothering to hold back as my parents were still away. I was so horny that I was already semi-hard. I let my fingers glide softly over my cock, whimpering a little as I imagined Kurt's eyes fluttering backwards while he thrust into his hand above me.

"I need you." He gasped, trying to focus his eyes on mine. "I need you to fuck me."

"Ooh." I growled as I began to tug gently on my erection. My stomach was already in knots just looking at Kurt's needy expression as he pulled on himself over and over.

"I like that." He continued. "I like having you inside me, fucking my breath away."

I bit back another moan, my fingers trembling as I brought them to my ass. Kurt looked delicious, he was staring me down as I began to finger myself lightly. It felt so good. I was squirming a little on the bed, yanking on my cock as I imagined Kurt mimicking my movements, his fingers disappearing into his hole as he moaned my name.

My hand sped up. I imagined the little noises he would make as he fucked himself before me, the tiny little gasps of air he would take as he rubbed his cock.

I yelped a little as I pushed my fingers carelessly inside me, dragging them out roughly before shoving them straight back in. I was whimpering Kurt's name in desperation, imagining his cock pushing frantically into my hole.

"You're close aren't you?" He purred. "Close to spilling out all over your pretty little sheets."

I found myself nodding, whimpering Kurt's name in agony as I fought back the urge to give in to it all and finish myself off. I was determined to make this last.

"If you come now you won't be able to fuck me." He taunted. "You want to fuck me so badly don't you? You want to make me come so hard your parents can hear me screaming your name."

"Oh" I gasped, burying my head into the pillows as I tried to hide from my twisted fantasy.

"Come for me Blaine. Come inside my hot little ass."

"Fuck." I scolded myself as I felt myself slipping away.

"Make it hurt. Make me beg you to stop."

I cried out in pleasure, my hand almost slipping out of its rhythm as I struggled to keep control. I was writhing around on the bed, moaning Kurt's name and begging him for more.

"Fuck Blaine, right there. Oh fuck that's good. I'm so hard for you baby."

I felt my body begin to spasm, felt warm liquid spilling between my fingers, and I was blinded by intense pleasure as I came inside Kurt's tight little ass.

I opened my eyes a few seconds later, feeling incredibly ashamed of myself. If Kurt ever found out about this he would probably take out a restraining order against me. I needed to stop this, but the only way I could fathom how was to make this a reality. I needed Kurt's permission, and I was determined to get it.

You should see my outfit for tomorrow. I've ditched the blazer. I am going to look so unbelievably fuckable that Kurt is going to come in his pants as soon as he sees me. No hair gel, no sensible trousers. I'm going for tight jeans, a fitted t-shirt open slightly at the neck, and I'm topping it all off with a deep red blazer that fits so snugly it looks like it was designed with me in mind. Ok so I know I said I'd ditched the blazer... but I just can't bring myself to go to school looking like I might be homeless. That doesn't mean I'm a snob, that just means I'm gay.

Yep tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I am going to lose my virginity. No more erections in class, at the dinner table, or whilst watching The Last Unicorn. I guess that's why I loved that film so much as a child, I must've been incredibly attracted to the fucking great six foot horn on top of its head. I sighed. Please Kurt. Please have sex with me. I'm sick and I need help.

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><p><strong>I don't mean to beg for reviews but I think I need a bit of feedback on this one! Is it still ok? <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your lovely comments, they're actually making me start to like this story. This was one of those "that'll do" filler chapters. I thought I might as well just add it and get it over with. That way we can get closer to some much awaited smut ^_^**

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><p>Ok so I feel a little self-conscious. I usually love attention, my Gaga suit, my prom kilt... I like making heads turn and knowing I'm better than everyone else in their generic clothes. Today though they're not staring at my outfit, they're actually checking me out. I've been pinched on the bum twice, had numerous wolf whistles, and one of the footballers asked me if I fancied a quickie. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I politely declined. I even caught Santana sneaking a look! So now there's the worry that I might look a little lesbianic. And unless Blaine is a closet lesbian, which I really don't think he is, he's not going to appreciate that.<p>

This is what always happens. I have a brilliant fool-proof plan in the middle of the night and then I put it into action and it backfires. Like taking up karate... that was another of my genius ideas. How was I supposed to know I would get kicked in the stomach and end up crying a little?

Anyway today was about one thing and one thing only, getting Blaine. He looked unbe-freaking-lievable. Like seriously, there are not enough French adjectives in the world. It pains me to look at him.

I was about to walk straight past him, casually swaying my hips as I fought back the urge to run my fingers through his hair and tell him how much I wanted him. I started to debate whether or not I should at least smile at him, but, before I got the chance, my foot met the remnants of a slushy and I slipped. And just to make the severity of the situation clear, it wasn't one of those slips where you glide a few inches and miraculously recover, when you feel a little like Jesus. No. It wasn't like that. It was one of those slips where you take people out. I took down 2 first year boys, and, to make it worse, one of them actually screamed "I'm being raped."

It's a shame the fall didn't kill me and put me out of my misery.

I looked up to see Blaine staring down at me, his jaw hanging open. "Oh my god Kurt... are you ok? You've got a black eye and your lip's bleeding!"

"Huh?" I wiped my hand across my mouth to assess the damage. Lipstick. And I bet the black eye he was referring to was my eyeliner. Damnit. "Oh yeah... I er... I th-think I'll just go and clean myself up." Great and now my stutter was back! I clambered to my feet and headed straight for the toilets.

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><p>I was finding it especially hard to concentrate this morning because, as usual, I had gone and got myself a full-blown erection in class. I was starting to regret my outfit choice... tight jeans were not a good look for me. It was a rather unfortunate lesson to have an erection in as well, a religious education lesson. I had to take off my blazer and drape it over my lap as we discussed Moses.<p>

I'd had Kurt on my mind all morning. What I was going to do to him later, what positions we should try. I hadn't really formulated a plan but it involved a lot of heated kisses and a large amount of groping. I was hoping it would just happen. In my head the conversation went as far as "Hey Kurt" "Hey Blaine" "Sex?" "Yeah ok." But now I look back I guess I was being a bit optimistic.

As I walked out of the classroom I immediately saw Kurt. You couldn't really miss him because he was taking out 2 first year boys as he fell to the ground, apparently managing to rape one of them in the process. Typical isn't it? Even the first years were getting laid before me...

He looked a bit of a hot mess to be honest, like someone had run their hands through his hair a few too many times, kissed his lips raw, and stolen his clothes... something that happened an awful lot in my fantasies. I felt like wanking off right there and then. I stuttered an "Oh my god..." out loud, completely taken aback by the sight before me

In a matter of seconds he had left to sort his face out, which looked like it might be badly bruised. I didn't mind. I was going to bite his lip until it bled again later, he would be whimpering into my kisses. I saved this image as a screensaver in my head... I'm a bit of a geek like that. I like to think that our brains are all supercomputers.

Apart from witnessing Kurt sprawled out in front of me, another reason I was in a good mood today was because my parents were back and the phone calls had stopped. I showed my dad the number. I hadn't dared to ring it back in case there was some sort of white noise on the other end, or worse, that horrible throat sound from The Grudge. He looked at me in despair and said it was no wonder I could never get a girlfriend, I needed to man up.

He knows I'm gay. We had that awkward conversation a year or so ago but he chose to completely ignore it. He's not a bad person, he loves me, he's just stuck in his ways. I actually think he believes he's helping me by trying to make me straight, and I guess he thought buying me football posters would change me but to be honest it definitely made the situation worse. I even managed to blag a half naked football calendar for my wall: Blaine 1, dad 0.

So he was the one to ring the number. Apparently an excited girl answered on the first ring, and he didn't have the heart to start shouting at her. She probably rang by mistake. That, or it might be that stalker at school, the same one Kurt has. I shuddered... girls. I just didn't get them.

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><p>Apart from embarrassing myself in front of Blaine, raping a boy, and looking like a lesbian, another reason I was having a particularly bad day was because of the phone call I'd had this morning. I'd been all excited when Blaine's name had flashed up, I couldn't answer quickly enough. You can imagine my disappointment when some middle-aged guy muttered about it being a wrong number and hung up.<p>

I hadn't dared to ring him since last time because of how badly that had gone. I seemed to lose the ability to speak. How could I explain ringing him at 4:00am? I don't think I've ever said the word 'erection' out loud before never mind explain to someone that it was there because of them. And then it turned out his boyfriend was there so I just panicked and hung up. Unfortunately, the sound of his voice had made my erection a whole lot worse. I'd never really had the courage to touch myself. I found it a bit creepy and incredibly awkward. I ended up humping the sheets for a while, venting out little cries of frustration as my penis got even more excited. All I could think about was Blaine's body beneath me, grabbing my hips and forcing me to rub against him until we were both sore. Sore was an understatement, my penis was so tender I could hardly touch it. I had to give up on the humping and go for a cold shower, not a pleasant experience.

Scrubbing the make-up off in the toilets, I decided I should probably delete his number. That way I wouldn't be tempted to repeat such an incident. I should try and get his number like a normal person... ask him for it. Simple really, I'm not sure why I hadn't thought of it before. I was a genius sometimes.

The door opened behind me and I glanced back on instinct, immediately freezing on the spot as Blaine appeared. He looked nervous, tugging on his blazer to try and straighten it out.

"Hey" he mumbled.

"Hey" I managed to squeak back, already in love with our conversation.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he must've changed his mind because he immediately closed it again. He glanced down at the floor and laughed, shaking his head, his smile making me melt a little inside. Well some areas were melthing... others were solidifying.

"I er... how's your eye?"

"It's g-good thanks."

Blaine nodded. His eyes beginning to squint as he searched for something to say.

He eventually settled on. "Can I ask you something?"

"Aha" I answered immediately, fingers crossed for a marriage proposal.

He walked a little closer, staring intensely into my eyes as if he was about to admit a deep dark secret. "Can I just say... hypothetically..." He glanced around the room to make sure no one was around. "If I was to ask a guy out... do you think they'd say yes?"

I gulped, not sure how to answer this without all my feelings pouring out. Too late, I'd already started speaking. "Well uh... depends... but I think so, yeah."

Blaine looked a little relieved. "Why do you think that?"

I had a long list of reasons that were all in desperate need of filtering. This should be good.

""Well... you're quite laid back, you don't judge people." Solid start. Not too over the top, not too obvious. "And also you're gorgeous." Crap. That didn't last long. "but not like plain gorgeous, like... you're interesting, and nice to look at. You have pretty eyes, and your hair always smells nice..." My eyes went wide when I realised what I'd just said. I quickly added "I er... I imagine." Nice save Kurt, nice save.

I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. I could feel myself going bright red as his eyes began to pierce through my skin. I took a deep breath and decided to keep going.

"And I like it when you smile, it kind of makes me want to smile. You're actually faultless. Your lips, your skin, your body, everything. I like everything. But we're speaking hypothetically here..."

Blaine looked as if he was stuck in freeze frame for a couple of seconds. His mouth popped open but no words came out. Eventually he nodded his head slowly, as if he was beginning to understand. "So I think I'm getting what you're saying..."

Well thank God for that! I wasn't sure it was a big enough hint. I held my breath, waiting for an "I feel exactly the same way" or a "would you like to go out?" Unfortunately, Blaine didn't go for either of these options. You can imagine my surprise when he actually blurted out:

"You want to have sex?"

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><p><strong>Sex, or no sex, that is the question?<strong>

**Although it's pretty obvious what the answer is.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Smut chapter! It's not my best. I seem to be having writer's block on smut at the moment, think I kind of used all my originality up in my other fic, but I hope it's ok.**

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><p>It was the last thing I was expecting. I wouldn't have been more shocked if he'd have given birth to Buckbeak right in front of me (did I mention I'd started reading Harry Potter?). I was wracking my brain for an answer, which is bizarre because it was a yes or no question.<p>

"What... with you?" I finally managed to stutter. Stupid question really. No Kurt, with somebody completely irrelevant. I could hear my heart beating against my chest, all my blood rushing to my ears as they began to heat up.

"Yeah with me." His eyes were hooked on mine, as if he was trying to reel me in.

I was trying to stay calm, trying to think of something to say that I wouldn't regret later. "Uh... well I can't say I've really thought about it that much."

That much? Great now it sounds like I do think about it. I ran my fingers nervously through my hair, praying my erection wasn't that obvious, although I guess I couldn't stay too hopeful about that in my skin-tight leotard. Damn you Beyonce!

"But you've thought about it..." His voice was penetrating as he stepped towards me, the low hum vibrating through every part of me.

I stepped back on instinct, not a good move! I was pressed helplessly against a wall, his body almost touching mine as he stared longingly at my lips. Now maybe I should've said no about 30 seconds ago, maybe I should've ignored my erection and thought about Rachel Berry and her unfortunate choice in sweaters, but how could I say no to that hair? I was fricking mesmerised by it.

I seemed to be increasingly aware of my breathing as it resounded around the empty space, Blaine's eyes drinking in every part of me as they darted over my body.

"Do you mind if I kiss you?" Blaine finally whispered, my lips were tingling as his words brushed against them.

His tongue parted my lips before I had the chance to reply, our mouths colliding effortlessly as we breathed each other in.

And that was my first real kiss, up against a wall in the toilets with a boy I hardly knew. Oh yeah and he had a boyfriend. I might tweak that story a little when I tell it to my grandchildren. I always imagined it would be different, we should've been outside in the sunshine having a picnic, laughing in slow-motion, smearing food delicately onto the tips of each other's noses, but that's just another unrealistic movie cliché. It's really starting to get me down, all this bullshit they feed us about love and relationships, it gives you unrealistic expectations.

* * *

><p>Fucking yes! I'm in there! Kurt is practically melting in front of me. I have to admit I never really imagined my first time this way - I always thought it would be in my bedroom or at least in a locked toilet cubicle. I've always had quite high expectations.<p>

Deciding it might be best to have some standards and not lose my virginity in public, I broke the kiss. Kurt whined in frustration, his lips searching blindly for mine as I pulled away.

"Patience" I breathed, nuzzling his ear affectionately. "We don't want to get caught."

I suddenly had flashes of the school dialling my dad's number, explaining to him I'd been caught fraternising with another boy in the toilets. That was one of the reasons my dad had taken me out of private school... to prevent that from happening. Seriously though they put hundreds of horny teenage boys in one place for weeks on end, and then when you do someone a favour and wank them off you get suspended. I thought it was grossly unfair. Especially when the other boy got let off with a lunch time detention, I mean he was the one having all the fun. Even more ironic, we had this award's scheme at school called 'Helping Hands" where students actually got prizes for being helpful, and to be brutally fucking honest with you if that didn't count as a helping hand then I don't know what did.

With this in mind I led Kurt slowly into a cubicle. There were no objections on his part so I assumed we were still good to go. As soon as the lock had slid shut, I pushed him up against the door, kissing him needily and giving him no opportunity to change his mind.

He let out a smothered cry, his fingers clawing at me as he tried to pull me closer. I was lost in him for a while, enjoying an intimacy I'd never had before. Bravely, I let my hand travel up his inner thigh, his skin-tight clothes making him incredibly sensitive to my movements. He squealed into the kiss, his fingers tangling in my hair as pleasure shot through him. I'd never been with someone so eager before, so receptive to my every touch.

I pulled back, gasping, and suddenly became ten times harder. He looked like he had already been fucked, his lips red raw, his body shaking, his eyes glazed over as if he wasn't really there.

"Did I... did I do something wrong?" He stuttered, his eyes widening as life began to pour back into them.

I smiled, hoping it would reassure him. "No... I just wanted to look at you."

His cheeks flushed, though I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or excitement. I began to run my fingers affectionately through his hair, brushing away bits that invaded my view of his face

"I er... don't usually do things like this." He admitted, staring at his feet as the reality of the situation began to hit him. "In fact I've never... done anything like this... ever before."

He began biting his lip nervously, his eyes glancing up at me ever so often, laced with guilt.

"I don't care." I blurted out, immediately regretting my blunt choice of words. "I mean... it doesn't matter."

Kurt nodded, though he didn't look entirely convinced.

"I'll look after you." I whispered, my lips back on his, his kisses more hesitant than before. I ran my fingers along his collar bone, then down his arm, stopping to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "You don't need to worry."

* * *

><p>I don't know how I managed to get myself into this situation! The closest I had ever come to being intimate with a boy was when I'd got stuck in an overcrowded elevator and my hand had accidently brushed the front of a guy's trousers. Oh god and if I remember correctly I actually got hard over it.<p>

I also wasn't quite sure about how this was all going to work. I didn't want to have sex. I didn't even want to take all of my clothes off, but it was going to be pretty difficult for Blaine to gain any access to my cock in a leotard and leggings.

I whimpered in frustration as his fingers ran circles over an incredibly delicate area.

"Do you like that?" He purred into my ear.

I nodded and let my head fall onto his shoulder, his hand working my penis into a painfully hard state. My hands were shaking as I placed one on the back of his neck, gently stroking the base of his hair. I found this incredibly comforting.

He shifted my leotard to the side a little and squeezed my member firmly. I let out another painful moan and began kissing his neck in appreciation.

"You've got your outfit all damp..." Blaine whispered, his breath hot against my skin, his fingers trailing over the wet patches that had formed over my crotch.

"Ooh" I whimpered softly, pressing my crotch further into his hands and praying he would get the hint.

He did. He gripped me harder and began to pump his hand a little, my Lycra leggings creating unbearable friction as they rubbed against me. He obviously knew what he was doing.

* * *

><p>I had no idea what I was doing! I was finding it really hard to grip Kurt through the slippery material and my hand was beginning to ache in such an awkward position. I decided to give it a bit of a break.<p>

Kurt shuddered when I stopped, letting out a tiny sob into my shoulder. He was still propped against me so I lifted him gently and pressed him back against the door.

"Shh" I calmed him. "You'll like this."

I grabbed his hips firmly and knelt down in front of him, his eyes widening as he realised what was about to happen.

His lips opened in protest, but as my tongue traced a gentle trail over his cock he decided against it and let out a yelp, slamming his head back and causing the whole cubicle to shake.

"Blaine!" He whimpered, his hands snaking their way into my hair.

I lapped at his erection, sucking on the tight material that surrounded it, causing it to become even damper as Kurt squirmed above me.

"Ooh."

Every time he let out one of those hot little moans my penis twitched in anticipation. It didn't like being ignored. I whimpered into his crotch, feeling sorry for myself.

"Please Blaine..." Kurt pressed his cock against my lips, desperate for more attention.

With the material still in the way, I took what I could into my mouth and sucked down hard. He squealed in pleasure, his hands pulling at my hair and causing me to moan around him.

I pulled back suddenly.

"Kurt we need to get you out of this outfit." I panted, staring up at him in desperation.

He looked scared, his hands instantly releasing their grasp on my hair.

"You don't want to cum in it do you?" I reasoned, standing up and running my fingers along his cheek. "We don't want to make a mess."

"I... I know..." He stuttered. "I just..."

"You might as well be naked in these clothes anyway." I grinned. "I can tell you're gorgeous."

Eventually, he shot me a nervous smile back.

I began dragging one side of the leotard neatly along his shoulder, my fingertips brushing against his hot skin. He shivered, already aware of the cold, and began helping me. With his help and my desperation we had the whole ensemble, including his leggings, around his ankles in seconds.

"So you don't wear underwear?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise.

Kurt went bright red and began to stutter his response "I... I do... but..."

"That's so hot." I purred, pressing my erection hard against his. "Fuck Kurt."

I ground against him for a while, trying to give myself a little relief. Unfortunately it just made things worse. Those little noises were back, "oohing" and "aahing" into my ear. I had to stop to catch my breath, undoing my belt whilst I had the chance, my hands shaking as I pulled down my zipper. Kurt was watching my every move, his eyes full of lust and his breathing faltering as I let my hand slide into my boxers.

I moaned as I began wanking myself off, my eyes squeezed tightly shut. A few seconds later and I felt Kurt's presence, his hand knocking mine out the way as he took over. He seemed hesitant and his grip was slightly loose but I wasn't complaining. It felt fucking amazing. I opened my eyes and just stared at him, the concentration on his face, his tongue appearing every so often to wet his lips. I had to struggle to hold myself together, tiny hums of pleasure escaping my lips as he sped up.

"Mmm. That's so... so nice." I managed to splutter, his hands working me gently in a steady rhythm.

I reached my hand out to grasp his cock, his sense of rhythm faltering as my cold hands surrounded him. He let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the door, pulling me with him.

"Blaine I can't... I can't concentrate." He moaned as I tugged on him lightly.

"That's ok." I panted. "Just relax."

I kissed his neck tenderly, breathing heavily against his skin, and at the same time grazed my thumb over his tip.

"Ah!"

He released his grip on my cock, his hands falling to his sides in defeat.

"Fuck." He whispered, hoping I wouldn't hear.

"It's ok." I purred, nuzzling him gently. "I want to watch you come."

* * *

><p>Why would anyone want to watch that? I was a mess, blood pounding in my ears as I tried to control myself. Usually at this point I would've run to the toilet, but there was no escape. I was going to come all over Blaine's hands.<p>

"Oooh" I whimpered, trying to push back the familiar feeling, my nails digging into my fists as Blaine continued to pump. "Blaine I... I... can't."

"Shh." Blaine tried to reassure me. "It's ok."

"Fuck!" His finger was probing my hole. My knees almost gave way as I let out a painful whimper and tried to contain myself.

"Does that feel good?" Blaine whispered, teasing me as he applied the slightest bit of pressure and it slid in slowly.

I nodded and gritted my teeth, desperate not to give in just yet.

"Oh fuck..." I never swore, but I seemed to be finding it difficult to think of any other words. Plus I read somewhere that if you saved your swear words for sex and didn't overuse them it would make the situation much more pleasurable. There was a study and everything... I'd tell you more but this is a bad time.

I was burning up, heat emanating from every part of me as I pushed against him, causing his finger to slip in further.

"I... I think I'm gonna..." I spluttered, unable to utter the words. "Blaine I... I need to..."

"It's ok." he whispered, his eyes glazed with lust as his breath fell hot on my lips. "Whenever you're ready."

I was surprised I had lasted so long. My body had never seen so much action before and it was completely spent. I let out one last pained whimper before I began spilling all over Blaine's fingers, crying out his name as I collapsed onto him.

He stroked my neck delicately until I caught my breath, the severity of what had just happened hitting me square in the face, a complete contrast to his tender touches.

"I'm sorry." I spluttered as I began to well up, my eyes glistening from the tears. What the hell had I just done?

"What's wrong?" Blaine sounded concerned. "Why are you so upset?"

"This..." I gestured to the toilet cubicle. "It's not... it's not how it's supposed to be."

I pulled away from him, not a single shred of dignity left, and managed to drag my clothes back on.

"I'm so sorry Blaine. I shouldn't have done this... I need to go."

And with that I was out of the door faster than Blaine could put his penis away.

* * *

><p>So that went well then...<p>

I was still hard. And I was still a virgin. FML.

* * *

><p><strong>Still ok? I need constant reassurance! I don't know why you put up with me.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks everyone for boosting my confidence, I'm not going to moan this time. I'm just going to hide instead...**** I'm not even sure there really is a story line it's just whatever random topic flows out of my fingers. Hope it's enjoyable anyway.**

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><p>So I was back to purchasing a never ending amount of scarves on ebay. That usually lifts me out of a slump. Who needs friends when you've got scarves?<p>

I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. It wasn't just the fact that I'd let myself down and completely discarded all my moral standards, it was also the fact that I'd helped someone cheat. I was a major part in the whole sordid affair. I couldn't believe I'd done that to someone. I wondered if Blaine would tell his boyfriend, if he'd done this kind of thing before, if he cared about me at all.

I tried to forget about the whole embarrassing incident, I only had myself to blame... oh god that sounds like Blaine. I shook my head violently, attempting to shake any thoughts surrounding him and all of his complexities: his adorable smile, his delightful laugh, his pretty little eyelashes, his huge... stop it! I sank back onto the mattress, squeezing my eyes shut. Scarves. Think of scarves. Hadn't Blaine named one of his Scarfy and drawn eyes on it? If we got married we could have a whole family of them.

My thoughts went on like this for quite some time. The problem is when you tell yourself not to think about something you automatically think about it. Don't think of a black cat. What are you thinking about now? A black cat. See what I mean!

I pulled the scarf I was wearing over my nose and inhaled. "Ah" I breathed out, muttering my thoughts into the material. "You wouldn't lead me on with your oh so charming ways and wank me off in the toilets would you?"

"What's that Kurt?" My dad called from just outside my door.

"Oh er nothing! Just talking to my scarves... I mean... myself..."

* * *

><p>So it was back to singing Disney princess songs to my webcam. I'd even got Scarfy out for comfort and pretended he was my duet partner. I was Belle, he was Gaston.<p>

I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. I'd been so caught up in my own world of misery and self-pity that I hadn't taken anyone else's feelings in consideration. Poor Kurt. He was a virgin too... and he'd never even given anyone a hand-job in the toilets before. Poor guy. It's times like this when you realise there are always people worse off than you.

Like every middle-class individual who has such an epiphany, I decided it was time to stop thinking of myself and help out the less fortunate. Kurt needed to lose his virginity and I was definitely up for helping him. I'm not saying he's a charity case or anything, far from it, he's stunning and I would be lucky to have him... he just needs a push in the right direction. He's like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. He's got all the goods, he just needs a little training.

I'm going to have to change my tactics though, I don't think he appreciated the toilet scenario. He must be more of a romantic than me. My idea of romance is someone actually getting my name right when I'm tossing them off.

I don't know if you can tell but I was used a lot at private school. People knew I was gay and took advantage of it, like every time they needed 'servicing' they thought they could just pull up outside my room and wait for help. They reckoned I'd always be up for it and that I probably craved it anyway. It was fun at first. I was getting loads of male attention. I felt wanted, desired. They would tell me I was pretty and fight over me, all coming up with excuses to get me to come to their rooms.

The prefects were the worst for that. I don't know if you've been to private school but there's a system where, if you're in trouble, you have to get up at 5:00am and visit the prefects' rooms with a timesheet. You have to go to them all individually, wake them up, and get them to sign it and time it so the teachers know you're awake. It sounds bizarre, and it's as much an annoyance for the prefects as it is for you, but that's seriously what happened. What's worse is that prefects could distribute this punishment... and guess what, they always found a way to get me into trouble. I'd get to their rooms around 5:00am and my hand would be dragged urgently under their covers, greeted by their morning erection. If I refused to do it they wouldn't sign the sheet, and if they didn't sign the sheet I'd be placed in isolation.

There was one guy I really liked. I'd got him off in the toilets a couple of times. He was a year older than me, gorgeous, tall, blue eyes... a really nice guy. He told me I was stunning and said he was totally into me. So as I was wanking him off in the changing rooms I leaned in to kiss him, my first ever kiss might I add. I was on tiptoe, my eyes closed, my heart-racing. Astonishingly, as soon as my lips touched his I got a slap in the face. He pushed me away violently, shouting at me and asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. I was incredibly confused. I said I thought he liked me, and he said that he did...but not like _that._

After that I understood.

Kurt was the first person to kiss me back, the first person to actually touch me and maintain eye contact. I guess I need to remember that most guys are going to have higher expectations than this.

I'm not too sure how romance works, but I've watched my fair share of Disney movies and there seems to be a simple formula to it. I might buy him some flowers, apologise, give him some time...

But not too much time. I'm still horny as hell.

* * *

><p>I did not want to go to school today. I did not want to face Blaine. He knew what my nether regions looked like <em>and <em>he could re-enact my cum face. It was all too much to come to terms with.

Even so here I am. And right on cue here comes Blaine. For a moment I considered jumping into the nearby trash can, but I'd already been there and done that once today - bloody footballers. Blaine had seen me anyway and was dashing towards me, arriving in front of me a little out of breath as he flashed me a nervous smile.

"Hey... Kurt..."

Oh god he was going to bring up yesterday wasn't he?

"about yesterday..."

Damnit! I usually love being right, but not today.

"I need to apologise. I was totally out of line. I'm not used to... guys being into me like that. I always kind of thought they just wanted one thing... anyway it's a long story..."

He produced a bouquet of half dead flowers from behind his back. I don't mean to be unappreciative. I absolutely loved them. But the fact is they _were_ on the edge of death and there was no denying that. I smiled inwardly.

"Look I got you some flowers, and I was going to leave them with a note on your desk, but then I remembered that stalker of yours and I didn't want you thinking it was from them. And I didn't want you thinking I was a stalker, because I'm not."

I laughed. "Blaine that's... that's really nice. No one's ever given me flowers before... I mean except my stalker..." Thank god I'd remembered to quickly add that on the end.

"Do you think we could start over?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

"I'm Blaine."

"I erm... I know."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"No... no you're supposed to say 'nice to meet you' or something."

"Oh we're starting _that_ far over? I thought it was just a figure of speech..."

I held out my hand to shake his.

"Nice to meet you Blaine, I'm Tracey."

Blaine laughed. "You what?"

"What? Is there something wrong with my name?"

"No no it's a nice name but..."

I acted a little annoyed. "Well fine if you don't like my name we can just stop all this right now."

Blaine rolled his eyes at me. "No no I like your name."

I shot him my best smile.

"So... Tracey." Blaine spoke the name through clenched teeth. "Tell me about yourself?"

And then we went into a long conversation where I said I wasn't very interesting and he assured me I was. I told him a few boring facts about me, then he told me everything I already knew about him and I nodded and acted surprised in all the right places. There was a lot of "wizards...really?" moments and "Scarfy... he sounds nice."

Eventually we got down to the important stuff.

"So how would you fancy coming to my house this evening? My dad's away on business and my mum won't mind. We could sing Ariel together or..."

"I thought your dad lost his job?" I interjected. Ah damn. I knew too much about him, he was going to get suspicious.

"No... I just kind of... told everybody that." He looked embarrassed. "I kind of got suspended from Dalton and then my dad took me out because... well it's not important right now." He pulled at his blazer nervously.

"Oh... sorry. I didn't know..."

"No no it's ok... why would you know?"

Because I stalk you.

I quickly recovered the conversation. "I'd love to come to your house..."

* * *

><p>Excellent! Something to look forward to! I absolutely <em>love<em> singing Ariel songs I cannot wait. Oh yeah and the sex thing... I'm looking forward to that too. Ahem. As a teenage guy I really need to get my priorities right.

I spent the rest of the day planning my suave, debonair, sexual advances. "Let me take your coat... and maybe later your virginity." I cackled out loud at the thought, the whole class turning to stare at me. I quickly buried my head in a book - I crack myself up sometimes.

I was still sniggering when the bell rang for the end of school. Time for me and Kurt to do what we should've done long ago. And by long ago I mean yesterday... but that doesn't have the same ominous ring to it. Fingers crossed!

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading this far!<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**It's smut time again! I've rushed this one a bit because I'm off out for Halloween dressed as Darren in AVPM! I know you guys will appreciate that. Using my grandma's rollers for an afro look and everything! Hope I pull it off... although obviously if I even look half as good as him that will be quite an achievement.**

**Anyway hope this is satisfactory! **

* * *

><p>I'd not thought this through. Here I was inviting Kurt into my house and I hadn't even prepared my room. I think I'd left Scarfy out on the bed, he sleeps with me sometimes, and I was praying he wouldn't turn on my laptop because I'd just changed my desktop wallpaper to that naked picture of Daniel Radcliffe with a horse. I'm still not going to admit I fancy him. I just really like horses.<p>

My mum was there to greet us, surprised to see that I'd actually brought a friend back. She was so excited that she completely over-did it, reeling off an endless list of drinks and snacks, and then asking if we wanted take-out. She swamped Kurt with a handful of leaflets and asked him to read them through.

The most awkward part was introducing him.

"Kurt the... rabbit?" My mum eyed him up suspiciously after I'd told her his name.

"Huh? Oooh! Yeah. Yeah. He's the football rabbit."

Kurt shot me an unmistakable 'what the fuck?' look, and I nodded at him enthusiastically, praying he'd play along.

"Do you get paid Kurt?"

He looked at me desperately and I shook my head.

"Erm... no?"

"But you enjoy it."

"Yes. Yes I do."

We totally got away with it. It was going to take some explaining to Kurt later though. "Oh yeah I had sex dreams about you and shouted out your name, so I pretended to my mum you were a giant white rabbit" might need a little rephrasing.

I turned to Kurt as we approached my room, stopping just outside the door. There was no way I was letting him in before I'd done a quick sweep first.

"Erm... could you just wait here a sex? A sec! I mean a sec..." I mentally face-palmed. One glance at Kurt told me he was just as embarrassed as I was, if not more.

I entered my room scoulding myself and closed the door behind me, hurriedly dashing around the room and putting things away. Scarfy went back in his drawer, my 'ultimate Disney princess DVD collection' got kicked under the bed along with the framed photo of me and Jasmine at Disney on ice, and I neatly placed my precious Harry Potter costume back in my wardrobe. I then collected all my dirty tissues together and shoved them in my cum sock, and quickly smoothed down my bed covers... they needed to look a little inviting.

I opened the door, breathless, and gestured for Kurt to come in.

He wandered around my room looking slightly lost. I don't think either of us were entirely sure what to do next. I mean my next move would usually involve a quick grope of his penis but we'd already established that wasn't appropriate yet.

"So you like football?" He pointed at my nude calendar, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah... football... my er... my dad bought me that."

He looked more than a little shocked and shot me a questionable look. His dad obviously didn't buy him pictures of naked men in compromising positions.

He quickly moved on to the guitar. "You play?"

"Yeah..." He looked impressed. "Pass it here I'll sing you something."

He smiled and sat down on the floor in front of me, his legs crossed like a small child waiting to be entertained.

Guitar in position, I perched on the bed and started singing Mulan's 'I'll make a man out of you.' I hoped he'd get the subtle hint.

* * *

><p>I love this song! Not sure why Blaine keeps winking at me in the chorus but I am completely taken by him. How did I get so lucky? Just when I think he can't get any better he whips out his guitar and starts playing the soundtrack to my wedding. Divine!<p>

I was at a loss for words when he finished, like I was falling in love with him all over again. He smiled at me nervously and broke the silence.

"What do you think? I might like upload some stuff on youtube... if it's any good."

"You should definitely do that. I'd watch you all the time!"

Why did I always sound so desperate?

He laughed. "You don't have to do that, you can have your own private performances."

He reached out for my hand and led me round to the bed. I sat down next to him, still in complete awe of him as he placed his guitar neatly on the floor. He was beautiful. Not cute, or pretty, or supermegafoxyawesomehot, although I guess that did describe him uncannily well, but actually beautiful. Like oh my god I cannot breathe beautiful. Like my penis is so hard it could lift the entire cast of The Lion King beautiful. Like take me right here on the bed before I explode beautiful.

I don't know where this came from, I didn't know I had it in me, but before I could stop myself I was quietly (and rather uncertainly) asking him "Could I er... have my own _'private performance' _now?"

He narrowed his eyes, his voice becoming deep and sensual, his fingers playing with my hair and stroking it gently behind my ear. "You can have me whenever you like."

I let out a tiny gasp as he moved towards my lips, stopping him as he hovered over them and breathing "You can't have me until you've earned me."

I turned my head away, trying not to grin. His face was a picture! His mouth hanging open in disbelief and his eyes filling with desire. I shimmied up the bed and got myself comfortable, propping myself up against the headboard and waiting for Blaine to make his next move. It didn't take long. He was already crawling over me, his lips drifting close to mine once again.

"I'll do anything." He breathed me in hungrily. "Tell me what you want and it's done."

I pressed my lips against his, kissing him softly, our tongues dancing over each other as he let out little sighs of appreciation.

"That was easy." He whispered between kisses. I could feel him grinning into my mouth. Smug bastard.

Unfortunately my penis was rock solid. It's hard to play the waiting game when your balls are ticking time bombs. I moaned into the kiss in despair, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck and letting my fingertips dance on his skin.

"We haven't even got started yet." I tried to stay in control, make my voice authoritative.

"We'll play this another time..." He breathed. "Right now you need some attention."

His hand glided over my erection, as if he were proving a point. My mind went blank. All I could think about were his fingers stroking me expertly through my jeans.

"How's that?" He questioned, his tongue tracing a line up my jaw, my whole body wanting to give up.

I shook my foot violently to try and distract from the burning that was already developing.

"Ooh" I was lost for words.

"Kurt... those noises... fuck _me._"

I bit my lip, desperately trying to quieten down. I was more than a little self-conscious. I hadn't realised it but my fingers had drifted under Blaine's shirt, trailing over his well-defined torso and stroking him gently.

"Mmm" he hummed against my ear. "I could do this forever."

Forever? I could manage a few more minutes maybe but even that was pushing it! I whimpered impatiently as his hands continued to tease me.

Blaine began fiddling with my zipper, his fingers shaking as he dragged it open. His breath was still hot on my lips, his kisses soothing my tiny moans.

"Blaaaine..." I whimpered as his hand slid under my boxers. "That's... oooh!"

I let out a tiny yelp as the pad of his thumb caught a sensitive spot, pre-cum being spread tenderly over my tip, making my hips buck involuntarily.

"Ah... aaah!" I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt the heat begin to rise, biting it back and swallowing hard in an attempt to stay focused.

"Bl... Blaine... please..." I was trying to beg him to stop but I think he took it as a sign that I wanted more because his hand began pumping me softly, causing the knots in my stomach to twist even tighter as I tried to hang on for dear life.

He was kneeling over me now, undoing his own zipper with his left hand and somehow managing to pull out his own little problem.

It was all too much for me, the sight of Blaine as he wanked off in front of me, his hand shoved roughly down my pants, the tiny hums of pleasure Blaine made as his eyebrows twisted up in pleasure. I cried out in agony, and came so hard and so fast that Blaine actually jumped in surprise.

"Fuck!" I whimpered as my head tilted back, my whole body shaking as he continued to pump my now hyper-sensitive penis. I had to bat his hand away and curl up into a ball to try and calm my breathing.

"You ok?" Blaine panted from above me, his hand had stopped and he looked genuinely concerned.

A few seconds later I managed a "f-fine" and turned to face him, still breathing heavily. I pulled myself together, trembling from my orgasm, and attempted to smile at him playfully. My hands began to run up the insides of his trousers. "But... you're not."

Blaine let out a deep shaky breath. I pulled myself up so that we were both kneeling, my lips drifting over his skin and occasionally planting tiny wet kisses on appetizing parts.

"Do you need some help?"

Blaine moaned in response and stuttered an "If... if you d-don't mind."

"Lie down..." I whispered. "Quickly."

He didn't need telling twice. I must admit even I was shocked at how well I was keeping it together. I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I could hear my heartbeat above Blaine's tiny appreciative whimpers. My fingers had instinctively grasped his cock and I was squeezing it gently, marvelling at how it throbbed into my palm.

"Holy fuck Kurt..." Blaine whined, trying to push his penis further into my hand to get me started. "Please?"

I began to pump gently, incredibly uncertain about all of my movements. I'd only done this to myself a handful of times... ha! I'm funny.

"Thanks..." Blaine breathed. I hadn't expected him to be so grateful. Did his boyfriend usually ignore him? How could anyone resist Blaine?

As I got more confident I began to speed up, gripping him firmly and watching for his reactions to try and judge what he liked.

"Is this still ok?" I panted, my arm aching.

"Y... yeah..." Blaine struggled to form his words. "Just... just one thing?"

I nodded, eager to rectify whatever I was doing wrong.

"Can you... I mean... would you mind..."

"Sure." I should probably have waited to find out what it was before agreeing to it... I made a mental note for next time.

"...just making some of your... hot... sexy noises... in my... in my ear?"

I could feel myself go bright red, but I'd already said yes, and it was hard to say no in such an intimate situation.

"Erm... I'll try? Might not be any good though..." I quickly added, best cover my back.

I leant in as close as I could without toppling over and began with a simple "oh". I felt like a right idiot. It didn't sound sexy at all. Sexy was my blind spot.

"That's nice..." Blaine whimpered, one hand gripping the sheets, the other trailing over my ass.

I tried again. "Oooh... right there." Right there? I cringed. What the hell Kurt? What the hell are you doing?

"Fuck..." Blaine breathed. "Keep... keep going."

"Ah... ah... ah..." I guess I was trying to make it sound like he was fucking me. His hand was still rubbing my ass, kneading it softly, getting me a little excited. AGAIN.

"Shit..." Blaine panted, his hand squeezed me unexpectedly and I let out a genuine yelp. My hand faltered slightly but I managed to regain my steady pace on his cock.

"Fuck Blaine... you're making me hard." I whispered, letting my tongue glide gently over the soft spot behind his ear.

"Oh fuuuuck." Blaine jerked a little, his knuckles white as he pulled at the sheets.

"If you're quiet I might let you fuck me." I teased, stopping my hand and sliding it up his chest, still balancing expertly on my other arm. "Would you like that?"

He nodded, his eyes screwed shut with pain, my fingers travelling back down towards his pulsing erection.

"You can put it anywhere..."

I guess I got that line from Cruel Intentions. I might not know my porn movies but I definitely know my chick flicks.

As my hand glided softly over his cock he came immediately, caking my fingers with his sticky mess. It took a good minute before there was any sign of life from him, and this is going to sound crazy, but for a few seconds I actually got a little worried I might've killed him.

"Blaine...? Blaine?" I ran my clean fingers over his forehead. He was sweating profusely, his temperature well above average. "Blaine!" I raised my voice a little louder.

"Aha?" His eyes came into focus, staring up at me dreamily.

I smiled. "Just checking..."

"That was... s'like... ohmygod..." He slurred and I couldn't help but laugh.

"And you're ok?"

"I'm like... ohmygod."

I laughed again. "Oook..."

I snuggled up next to him, feeling incredibly pleased with myself. I was obviously a natural. He was still muttering incoherently, completely oblivious to the world.

"Blaine!" His mum's voice suddenly cut through our intimate moment. "Your father's home."

"SHIT!"

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><p><strong>Hope it didn't seem too rushed. Fingers crossed someone liked it anyway! Next chapter back to good old fashioned fun... and maybe a bit of smut for good measure?<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm so excited about this week's episode that I could hardly concentrate on this. So as usual it's all over the place! Blaine's dad, DIY, smut, boyfriend confusion... too many ideas to cram into one chapter - but I did it anyway.**

**Oh and just a reminder that Kurt still thinks Blaine has a boyfriend after the whole 4am phone conversation. The ending won't make sense if you've forgotten that.**

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><p>I practically leapt off the bed, searching for tissues that I should never have tidied away earlier. Now I was going to have to get out my cum sock in front of Kurt. Eurgh. Maybe it was my loud outburst of curse words or the fact I was blind with panic, but Kurt seemed to get the hint that my dad wouldn't appreciate his being here. We both scrambled around, making ourselves look presentable. Kurt got his trousers up just in time, because suddenly there was a knock at the door. This was a bad sign. My dad NEVER knocked. What exactly did he think was going down in here?<p>

Kurt waved his hand at me in horror, cum plastered over it, but there was no time for tissues, the door was already opening. I tried to gesture for him to wipe it on the bed, but Kurt panicked and shoved his fingers straight in his mouth. In any other situation that might have been hot, but I just stared at him in shock.

"Blaine...?" My dad peered round the door, to see me with my jaw hanging open and Kurt with his fist in his mouth. This was not how I had imagined introducing my first boyfriend.

"You're back early aren't you?" I choked. That didn't sound suspicious at all...

"Yeah we er... closed the deal and Margaret said she was going to take it from there." He eyed Kurt suspiciously. "So..." my dad nodded, searching for something to say. "Your mum says you've brought a friend round..."

"Yeah. Yeah this is Kurt."

My dad held his hand out politely, a small frown crossing his face as Kurt tried to wipe his saliva on his trousers as inconspicuously as possible.

"Hi." Kurt squeaked. I usually adored Kurt's voice, especially in bed, but this was a time when I hoped he might sound a little less gay. He didn't. It was obvious.

A moment of awkward silence passed before my dad asked. "So... what have you two been doing?"

"X box." "Singing." We both answered at the same time.

"Singing on the X Box." Thanks to my genius the situation was recovered, although I guess that wasn't any less gay than what we'd actually been doing...

"And Blaine got his guitar out and sang to me..." Kurt smiled at me lovingly. "He's really good."

I shook my head at him, dangerous territory!

"I mean... not _to_ me... it was more like _at_ me." Kurt immediately looked down at the floor, a look of guilt crossing his oh so pretty face.

"Yeah I played 'Where Them Girls At'".

Kurt raised his eyebrows as if to say "seriously?" My dad didn't look too convinced either.

"And do you have a girlfriend Kurt?"

Bloody hell.

"I don't..." Kurt answered quickly. "I'm saving myself for Pippa Middleton. She's er... smoking."

Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows.

"Ah." My dad obviously had no idea who that was. "Well your mum probably wants me to set the table... think the food's on its way. You're coming downstairs for dinner right?"

"Yeah... just give us a sec."

Thank god I didn't accidently say sex that time.

* * *

><p>The dinner table was totally awkward. I don't think Blaine's dad likes me. And now I feel really self-conscious because I've practically told him I'm straight when I'm quite blatantly not. So I've lied to him. This could be my future father-in-law right here and it's a relationship built on a web of lies... those are the kind that don't work right?<p>

I spent the whole meal staring at Blaine, mostly to try and distract myself from his dad's mucky looks. He's so adorable, I don't care that he's a closet-case who cheats on his boyfriend.

I began stroking his foot with mine, beaming at him from across the table. I waited for him to smile back, or acknowledge me in some way, but he didn't. It was only later that I realised it wasn't his foot... and then the mucky looks from his father seemed to make more sense.

I left straight after dessert.

...

The next day I invited Blaine to my house. Let's face it I wasn't going to be allowed back to his any time soon. I'd like to say it's because I simply wanted to see him... and I did... but also I was desperate for someone to help me out with my new IKEA cabinet. It had sliding glass doors, perfect for viewing my scarves through, or at least it was supposed to. Right now it was a pile of wood and bolts all over my floor. Usually I'd get my dad to do it, but he said it was about time I learnt how to do it myself.

Blaine was kneeling on the carpet trying to work out the difference between 2 sets of screws, inspecting them carefully and looking incredibly puzzled by the whole concept of a screw that didn't involve sex.

I'd found something much more interesting to do.

"You know I can balance this board on my head for like 2 whole minutes?" I marvelled. There was no limit to my talents.

Blaine picked up a hammer and began bashing a screw into place. I guess he'd not heard of a screwdriver.

"Kurt... I thought we were meant to be doing this together..."

I chose to ignore him. "I mean maybe I was a seal in a previous life or something..."

"Kurt..."

I sighed and placed the board on the ground.

"I'm bored. We don't need to do this. My dad will understand... he knows we're gay."

"Kurt that's terrible!" Blaine stared at me in shock. "You mean just cause you can't be bothered to do it you're going to attribute it to your genetics? I'm going to finish this now just to prove to him that we can do it."

"Is that why you've put the base on the wrong way round?"

"Fuck! Kuurt why didn't you say something?"

"How was I supposed to know you couldn't follow a few simple instructions? They're pictures Blaine! They're on a similar level with books for small children!"

Blaine threw the hammer onto the floor in defeat.

"That's it! Your scarves can all fucking rot for all I care."

I let out an incredibly dramatic gasp... the sad thing was, even though it sounded like I was putting it on, I actually wasn't.

"Take that back!"

Blaine looked at me with one eyebrow raised and stood up in front of me.

"Or what?"

Damn I never had a comeback for that question! So naturally I decided to head down the blackmail route.

"Or I won't let you have your reward for helping me."

"And what might that be?" Blaine moved in closer, intrigued.

"Well you won't find out now will you?"

"Fine." Blaine sighed. "I'm sorry. I care deeply about your scarves. I hope they live long and happy lives together and die of old age..."

"That's better." I breathed.

"So... this reward?" His body was dangerously close to mine. I could feel his breath dancing on my skin... and that wasn't the only thing I could feel, but I won't go in to graphic detail.

"Well you have two choices. Either you can pick a Harry Potter film to watch with me and I will try not to moan, or... I can suck your cock." I smiled innocently "and in that case I will try my absolute best to moan."

I was praying to god that he wouldn't pick the Harry Potter film. I know I said I was starting to read it but I just can't stand it. I thought with Dumbledore being gay and everything it might make a good read, but he wasn't gay AT ALL... and he had really bad taste in clothes. What's the point in having a gay character you can't even relate to?

I guess god was on my side, I mean everyone knows that every time you see a rainbow god is having gay sex. Almost instantly Blaine let out a yelp and pressed his crotch into my thigh.

I leant in to kiss his cheek affectionately. "Are you hard over me or hard over Harry Potter?" I teased.

"Bit of both..." Blaine admitted.

I assume he was joking.

* * *

><p>I wasn't joking. Sometimes I worry about myself and my crazy little obsessions. I need to get my life together.<p>

It was a tough decision, but I figured my erection would get more pleasure from Kurt who was standing before me, as opposed to a fictional wizard on a 2D screen... 3D and I would've thought about it, but 2D no way.

I moaned into Kurt's mouth as he kissed me. He was teasing my tongue with his and had latched both his thumbs under my waistband.

"I'm going to assume you've chosen option number two." Kurt grinned, managing to back me up against his wall.

"I never really had a choice did I?" I shot back, already struggling for breath.

He stole whatever oxygen I had left, his lips crashing into mine once again. He seemed much more confident than before. I guess my nearly passing out from ecstasy last time must've boosted his ego.

He pulled back, panting, and whispered. "You want me. I can tell."

I nodded and reached out for him but he immediately knocked my hand away.

The disappointment on my face must have been obvious because he began stroking my hair sympathetically. This is going to sound weird but sometimes I swear he is talking to my hair rather than to me.

As he trailed kisses down my neck I felt his hands glide slowly to my zipper. I had to breathe in a little as he undid the button, these were some seriously tight jeans.

My jeans open, my boxers exposed, Kurt stared me straight in the eye and asked gently "You do want this, right?"

I smiled. "Kurt, there is not a guy in this world that would say no to you..."

He dropped the act for a minute. "I've never done this before..."

"Perfect... because I've never had it done before."

He nodded gratefully and smiled back.

"You... you'd tell me if I was doing something wrong..."

"Kurt nothing is going to go wrong..."

"Blaine..." His voice was quiet, uncertain. "...thanks."

He dropped to his knees. I was already struggling to keep it together, the very sight of Kurt below me sending jolts of excitement coursing through my entire body.

The anticipation was driving me crazy. Everything was happening in slow-motion, his tongue sliding out to lick his lips, his breath falling on me wet and heavy, his mouth inches away from where I desperately needed it to be.

I didn't want to rush him but I felt he needed a little encouragement.

"Please Kurt... I'm really hard..." My discomfort was obvious.

My plea worked. He began nuzzling my cock through my boxers, testing it, making me shiver above him. His lips pressed delicately against the material as he kissed me gently, my breath hitching as I anticipated what was to come.

"Ready?" He whispered, every syllable falling on my cock.

"Yep." I inhaled, my entire body tingling.

He tugged gently on my underwear and instantly wrapped his lips around my tip. I shuddered, I was already leaking a little. His tongue fluttered over my slit, eliciting tiny whimpers that I never knew I was capable of.

"Yes Kurt..." I moaned as he began to take more of me in.

I watched as he slid me slowly into his mouth, my whole body burning with excitement.

"Oh fuck that's good..."

My knuckles were white as I squeezed my fists into tiny balls, trying to resist the urge to thrust deeper into his mouth. I flinched a little as his teeth caught me, but his tongue was there to soothe the pain.

"Ah fuck!" I whimpered as my cock dipped down the back of his throat. As he began to pull away, I instantly grabbed his hair to try and force myself back into that delectable little part of him. "Please Kurt..."

I was gasping for breath, holding his head steady as I pushed gently against him. He gripped my hips tighter, trying his best to relax.

"God Kurt... you don't know how many times I've dreamt about you moaning around my cock."

He let out a tiny whimper at this, I don't know whether he was trying to please me or whether he was into it, but either way it was THE SEX.

I began thrusting harder into his mouth, fucking him gently and drawing further moans from his sore unsuspecting lips. I wanted to spend the rest of my life in that hot little mouth of his, having him suck on every part of me.

I closed my eyes and leant my head back against the wall, moaning louder with every thrust.

"Kurt that's... ooh"

His tongue was swirling around me, making me gasp and cry out in pleasure.

"I... I'm not gonna last much longer." I managed to stutter between pants, my whole body beginning to tense.

He pushed my hips violently against the wall, swallowing my whole length as if it was the easiest most natural move in the world.

That was it for me. I let out one final cry and came down his throat. He didn't pull away spluttering and coughing like I always did, he kept going, sucking every last drop out of me as I gasped for breath.

"Kurt..." I panted. "How... how are..."

He sighed in disappointment as my cock drop out of his lips. His hands gliding up my body as he stood up. I almost came all over again as he kissed me delicately on the lips, the taste of my cum unmistakable.

"That was... that was..." I couldn't catch my breath, so I just smiled.

A few seconds passed before Kurt plucked up the courage to speak.

"What about me?"He asked quietly.

I grinned and replied "what about you?"

He glanced down at his erection nervously.

"I er... I'm still..."

I acted oblivious. I wanted him to say it.

"What's that Kurt?"

"I'm still hard..."

"And what do you want me to do about it?" I questioned, kissing his neck and making him moan softly.

"Touch me." He breathed, his voice barely audible.

"And where do you want me to touch you?" I grinned, hearing him gasp as I nipped at his skin.

"Here..." He whimpered as he guided my hand towards his erection. "Please Blaine I've been waiting a really, really long time."

I rubbed him gently through his trousers and he immediately let out an appreciative moan. He clung to me, panting heavily, satisfied sighs escaping his lips every so often.

"Is this what you wanted?" I whispered against his ear as his body dropped limply onto mine.

"Yes..." He gasped, pressing his crotch into my hand desperately.

"And when did this start?" I began stroking his hair affectionately, letting him bite down into my shoulder as I tugged on him softly.

"When I was sucking you." He mumbled into my shirt, tiny groans being muffled by the fabric.

"You like sucking me do you?" I was going to have so many wanking sessions based on this very moment.

"Yes..." He whimpered. I could feel him trembling under my touch, his nails digging into my skin as I dipped my hand into his pants. I teased him softly, my feather-like touches drawing out little sighs of frustration.

"Bet you'd love to fuck my mouth"

"Oh" he gasped, gripping me tighter. "Blaine you...ah... you shouldn't say things like that..."

"Why not?"

"Because... oooh... I'm gonna cum in my pants..."

I thought it was just banter, but I must have been wrong because a few moments later he actually came all over his trousers, his tiny cries of frustration resounding around the room.

"It's ok... " I reassured him, kissing him as he battled against his orgasm.

He was slumped against me, breathing erratically and grasping me tightly. It took him a good minute to recover, immediately pulling away from me as he did so and quickly pushing my hands away from his crotch.

"S...sorry." He stuttered, biting his bottom lip timidly, a look of extreme discomfort in his eyes. He was bright red, obviously embarrassed about his little mishap.

"That was the hottest thing I have ever seen..." I breathed, trying to carve that image into my mind.

"Blaine..." He whispered a few seconds later. "What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

He swallowed. "I really like you Blaine..."

Judging by the little mess in your pants that's an understatement.

I smiled. "I really like you too."

"No I mean I REALLY like you. I think about you all the time... I... I pick my clothes out especially for you... I even bought the first Harry Potter film... look..." he pointed to his DVD collection, and voila there it was!

I laughed. "I'm flattered!"

"You're not getting what I'm saying... I... I don't want to share you with your boyfriend anymore."

"My...? My boyfriend?"

What the hell was he talking about? What boyfriend? I didn't even have any friends never mind a boyfriend. Oh shit, I knew I shouldn't have admitted I was hard over Harry Potter.

"You mean Harry?"

I can't believe I just said that. There was no way he meant Harry Potter.

"Don't you think it's time you picked one of us?"

So I was right!

"Kurt, this is ridiculous... I don't even fancy him."

"Then it should be an easy decision..."

This was totally unfair! My obsession wasn't _that_ bad. I'd been trying really hard not to talk about him all day and it's not like I'd said his name during sex...

"Don't you think you're being a bit of a control freak?" My voice was calm but I could tell my words had upset Kurt. His eyes were watering and he was battling to contain his tears.

"I can't believe you're making _me_ out to be the bad guy here..."

"Well _I'm_ not the one coming up with crazy, and rather selfish, ultimatums!"

His jaw dropped in disbelief, his eyes starting to leak.

"Blaine..." his voice was shaky. "I... I think you need to leave."

"Fine." I shot back, grabbing my ultra cool Sonic man bag and heading for the door. "Call me when you realise what a dick you're being."

I slammed it shut, just in case he hadn't realised I was in a rage, and stormed down the stairs. Who did he think he was? I mean he had an unhealthy obsession with scarves but I wasn't worried about his possible love affairs with them. He was totally, absofuckinglutely out of line...

...Ok so maybe I'm starting to regret my decision a little. After all I did just choose a fictional wizard over unlimited sex. *head desk* I make incredibly poor choices sometimes. And my penis was still out. I really need to remember to put that away...

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><p><strong>Enjoy real Klaine sex everyone! Squee!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm actually raping this story! It used to be ok, now it's just awful! Anyway I thought we all deserved more smut, especially after all we got was some smiling, hand-holding and a tiny bit of nuzzling in the first time episode... Although I have to admit I did spill my drink all over myself and didn't even notice until the episode had ended.**

* * *

><p>Did you know if you type a less than sign followed by (") in a facebook message a penguin pops up? I didn't know this either until tonight, but that's how bored I was. I spent hours creating armies of penguins, there were literally thousands of them, and for some strange reason they reminded me of Kurt. I don't know what that was all about; maybe he'd mentioned them to me in a parallel universe or something...<p>

I'm not sure if it was because I was thinking of Kurt, or if I have a weird sexual 'thing' for penguins but I immediately found myself getting hard. I was getting hard a lot these days. Kurt had taken over about 99% of my thoughts, and the other 1% was chiffon scarves, so you can see why I had a constant erection.

I picked up the phone. Time to put things right. It had nothing to do with the fact that I wanted some attention... honestly it wasn't. It's because you make better decisions when you've got an erection. You're so distracted by your penis that your mind is pretty much clear, and you can make a split-decision without over-analysing it. That's what I told myself anyway... and what scientist was going to test that theory?

* * *

><p>I was distraught. In fact distraught is an understatement. I was hysterically deleting all the Blaine pictures I'd saved on my laptop screaming "knob" as I pressed the x key on every one... oh yes I was doing them all individually. It felt much better that way. I guess that was the 21st century version of burning things.<p>

I was so upset and I had my Celine Dion CD on so loud that I almost didn't notice my cell phone ringing. Of course when I saw it was Blaine I had to turn the CD off and try and calm my voice so that it sounded like I was completely indifferent to the whole situation.

"What?" I answered in what I hoped was my most composed and together voice, although I have to admit it was a little snappy... just a little.

"Kurt I er... I wanted to ask you something."

"Hmph." I mumbled crossly, deleting another one of his pictures and feeling oh so good about it. If he thought he was having threesomes with me in some public lavatory he was mistaken.

"Would you be my boyfriend?"

Well that was the last question I was expecting! Did that mean he'd dumped the other guy? Had he chosen me?

"I mean you don't have to answer right away..." Blaine sounded nervous. "but I'll give up Harry Potter for you. I was being stupid. I'll pretty much do anything for you."

"You'll give up Harry Potter for me? Blaine..." I laughed. "You really don't have to do that."

Sometimes I worry I'm bipolar. My dire mood was almost completely lifted.

"I thought that's what you wanted?"

"Huh?"

"I said I thought that's what you wanted?"

"I know but... what? Why?" I know I had no interest in the fictional wizard but I wasn't _that_ bothered. And I sure as hell wasn't jealous or anything - after all he was fictional, and he was a wizard! There was absolutely no chance of him sending anyone into a state of orgasmic bliss... unless... oh so THAT'S why Blaine had a wand!

"You specifically said I had to give him up if I wanted to be with you... so you tell me?"

What the hell was he on tonight? "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"That's the reason I stormed off at your house! That's the reason I got home and cried a little bit! That's the reason I've spent the last hour taking all of my Harry Potter posters down... which made my cry all over again!"

"Blaine..." Ok I'm a little slow when it comes to boys, I'm usually all wrapped up in my own little world of Kurt, but the penny was starting to drop. "I was talking about your boyfriend... the one that does karate?"

"What? I don't have a boyfriend... I don't even know anybody who does karate."

"But you said..." Oh god I was going to have to admit it wasn't I? I'd rung him up in the middle of the night with an erection. The shame. "you told me your boyfriend was there when I rang you up."

"Huh? When? Was I drunk?"

"No it was... it was at 4:00 in the morning..." I trailed off, closing my eyes and exhaling as I finally got that off my chest.

Silence.

"I'm sorry I rang you..."

"That was you? You were my 4:00am psycho rapist that followed me to school?"

"Well I wouldn't go THAT far..."

Blaine laughed. "Oh my god Kurt why didn't you say something?"

"Because I was embarrassed." ...Please no more questions, please no more questions!

"Well why were you ringing me at 4:00am in the first place?" Damn! Blaine sounded amused.

"Because I just did."

"Ah." He sniggered. "Well that's weird because I'd just been dreaming about you."

Silence.

"Ok that's the point where you're supposed to jump in and tell me the real reason you rang..."

"Blaine... that _was_ the real reason. I was tired and I just wasn't thinking!"

"Oh." He'd stopped laughing. "Yeah I totally made that dream thing up..."

My turn to laugh.

Eventually I did admit that I had dreamt about him, that I'd rung him hard, that I'd rubbed myself off against the sheets. It was incredibly awkward and I kept stumbling over my words, but I didn't have much time to get embarrassed about it because Blaine immediately blurted out:

"I rang you hard."

I felt my penis twitch. "You... you what?"

"Just now... I rang you hard."

"Oh." I was lost for words, trying to ignore the problem rising in my underwear. "Are you...? Are you still...?"

"To be honest it's got worse."

* * *

><p>It was difficult to ignore it now. I mean it's always difficult to ignore an erection, but I guess when you're talking directly about it to your super hot boyfriend then it's pretty much impossible. In fact, if you're talking directly about it then you're not trying to ignore it at all. You're trying to draw attention to it. You're <em>trying<em> to get your super hot boyfriend to talk dirty to you and sort you out. But he's not getting the hint.

"Kurt... could you... could you tell me about your dream? In detail."

I heard him gulp. "I'm not sure I can remember it that well..."

"Try?"

"Blaine, are you going to... touch yourself?" He asked nervously, his voice almost a whisper now.

"You don't mind do you?"

"No." He answered so quickly I think he shocked even himself. "I mean that actually sounds... kind of nice..." he quickly shut up.

"Tell me then...?"

He took a deep breath, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts. "I think I was trapped. I mean I wasn't really trapped, you'd not tied me down or anything, but I just couldn't move."

I liked this story.

"and you just appeared... between my legs..."

I REALLY liked this story.

"and you ran your hands over me lightly... over my cock."

I moaned, my hand automatically sliding into my boxers, mimicking the light touches Kurt had mentioned. "I like it when you say cock." I breathed, my fingers curling around my erection, all set to go.

"I erm..."

I'd clearly made him feel awkward. I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face; there was nothing I liked more than making him squirm a little.

"Tell me what you like to do to your cock."

"Blaine... I don't really... _like_ to... you know." I could hear him shuffling on the other end, his discomfort obvious.

"Why don't you do it now?"

"No I really don't think..."

"I know you're hard I can hear your breathing."

He inhaled sharply, as if this was going to cover it up.

"You don't have to pretend you don't like it Kurt."

He let out a tiny repressed whimper that went straight to my cock.

"Go on. Touch yourself... I am."

He yelped and I took this as a good sign, immediately starting to tug gently at my erection.

"So let's try again? Tell me what you like to do to your cock."

"I... I like it rough..." He stuttered, his breathing suddenly becoming much faster.

I held back a moan, my eyes squeezed tightly shut as I imagined Kurt masturbating. The image was driving me insane.

"Do you like it when I'm rough with you?" I panted, having to slow my hand down.

"Yesss." He breathed. "In... in my dreams you press me down..."

"Fuck." I whispered. I think he heard.

"or you... you grab me..."

I bit my lip to stop myself from swearing again.

"you grab my hips...and you force me to... oh fuck" He was clearly just as into this fantasy as I was. It took him a few seconds to find his voice again. "you force me to rub against you..."

"Holy shit." I bucked up into my hand in excitement, unable to stop the moans from pouring out of my lips.

"I... I get really sore because... when I wake up I've been fucking the sheets..."

"FUCKING HELL KURT." My whole body jolted at the thought, my eyes shooting open as I tried to register what he had just said.

"Is that... is that weird?" He panted. I really hoped we weren't about to have a counselling session.

"It's fucking hot." I shot back. "Tell me... tell me more please?"

"You get me... you get me really worked up." He moaned again, I wondered what his free hand was up to, whether it was probing his arse like mine was. "You tease me... you wrap your tongue around my cock... your fingers... you push them inside me... and I... I can't..."

"Shit..." I squeaked as I worked my fingers into my hole.

"I can't take it... because... ooh fuck Blaine... I want you so bad."

"You can have me..." I groaned desperately. "Please Kurt... whatever you want..."

"Ooh..." It sounded like he was smothering his excited yelps into the pillows.

My hand was pulling on my cock so roughly it was starting to hurt, my whole body aching for release. I loved that feeling. I wanted to hold on to it for as long as I could.

"What are you thinking right now?" I panted. "What are you doing to me?"

"I'm fucking you." His voice was shaking.

"Ah..." I thrust my fingers inside myself to try and match his fantasy. "More Kurt..."

"Blaine..." He gulped. "What are you... what are you doing to yourself over there?"

"I've got my fingers... up my arse..." I couldn't believe I was admitting this. "pretending they're you..."

"Oooh... Blaine that's..." He let out another moan and seemed to turn away from the speaker. He was having his own little private orgasm.

"Ah... Kurt!" I gasped "Harder..." I opened my legs wider, my fingers thrusting in deeper.

There was a muffled cry and a few expletives. If I had to guess I would say he was coming.

Both my hands were aching but I wasn't about to stop any time soon. Kurt's satisfied moans were constantly flowing down the phone line and driving me closer to the edge. I pushed my fingers in as far as they would go and dragged them out roughly, whimpering Kurt's name.

"Please Kurt. Please more..."

I did it again, my whole body tensing as I grasped my cock a little too tightly.

"Uh..."

I tilted my head back.

"Uh... right there..."

I felt my stomach tightening, my body shaking as my fingers continued to fuck my hole.

"Ah... ah... Kurt... please... ah..."

I managed to slide another finger in, my cock straining desperately for release.

"fuck... ah... aah... AH!"

I was coming. I don't think I'd ever come like that before. I pulled at the bedcovers, ripping them from their corners, burying my face in the material to try and smother all the noise seeping from my lips. I have no idea what I said. I couldn't comprehend any of it.

"Blaine?" Kurt had obviously made a quick recovery.

I moaned an "mmm?" down the phone in reply as I began to regain my composure.

"I never answered your question..."

"What do you like to do to your cock?" I questioned, confused. I was fairly sure he had answered that. In fact I'd memorised most of that speech for later.

"Noo..." he laughed. "I'd like to be your boyfriend."

"Oh! That far more important question!"

"I hope that's not sarcasm I..."

'CLICK'

"Blaine?"

"Crap."

"Oh you're still there it sounded like you hung up."

"CRAP!"

"What's wrong?"

"Fucking hell! Fucking hell Kurt!"

"Seriously what?"

"Did you just hear that? Someone just hung up!" I had that tight feeling in my stomach, that tight sickly feeling you get when you think you've lost your wallet, or when you realise you left your umbrella at home and it's about to rain on your perfectly gelled hair, or when you discover one of your parents has just heard you masturbating over someone else's cock.

"You mean someone else was on the line?"

"Yes Kurt! Do I have to spell it out for you? Someone else was on the fucking line! It sure as hell wasn't anyone at your house because I rang your cell... fuck Kurt! What am I going to do?"

"Maybe it's not that bad..."

"What part of having my fingers up my arse and begging you to fuck me isn't that bad!"

"Ok so maybe it is bad..."

"Oh my god... oh my god! " I kept replaying the conversation back in my head and it got worse every time. My heart was pounding so fast I could hardly hear Kurt trying to reassure me. This was without a doubt the worst moment of my life, and I'd been caught wanking boys off. The moment I had to tell my parents about that little mishap in front of the head teacher held the previous title... but this one had now claimed the top spot.

I guess now was as good a time as any to go through my suicidal stage.

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><p><strong>Ok so I'm hoping I can recover this with a dramatic confrontational chapter 9. If not I can always make Blaine kill himself and put an end to it! Nice to have a back-up.<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**I should've killed him...**

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><p>I lay on my bed for what felt like hours with my pillow pressed over my face. I'd been screaming into it earlier, telling it how I hated this house, how there was no privacy, how I'd managed to rip one of my Harry Potter posters and how Kurt damn well better get me another.<p>

I was pissed, but to be honest I was more pissed off at myself. It wasn't just because I was a desperate manwhore, but also because I was ashamed of being a desperate manwhore. I was angry at myself for being angry at myself - if that makes sense.

I guess there are just some things in life you never want your parents to know. One is that time you dabbled with hallucinogens. Another is the time you straightened your hair to look more like Mulan... although maybe that's quite specific to me. But worst of all, the number one thing you do not want your parents to find out is that you're masturbating. Sex is bad too... sex is a pretty good contender, but at least then you can blame the other person. Masturbation is well... it's all you!

The plan was never to leave my room again. Although I have to admit I'd not really thought that plan through. I'd have to survive solely on alcohol and pee into empty bottles. Hmm... alcohol... I lazily pulled the pillow off my face and staggered towards my stash of vodka, beer and readymade pina colada. I was one of those people that drank practically every type of alcohol but liked none of it.

An hour later and I was swaying on the top of the staircase, trying to count the stairs so that there wouldn't be any surprises... sometimes you think you've reached the end but it's actually just an illusion. 15 stairs later and I stumbled through the living room door, my dad sat in his usual spot reading the paper.

"Dad..." He glanced up, acknowledging me for no more than half a second before burying his head back in his article. "I just wanna say..." I continued, slurring my words. "if you heard anything... I was rehearsing for the school play..."

That could work. I mean I couldn't think of an existing play where someone fingered themselves but my dad had a really bad theatrical knowledge.

"What?" He still wasn't making eye contact.

"Oh nothing... nothing..." I rocked back on my heels violently and had to grab the door frame to keep myself up.

That caught his attention.

"Are you drunk?"

"That's none of your business..." I smiled as if it was a game. "And you know what else is none of your business?"

He was staring at me in disbelief, like I'd completely lost it.

"when I dress up like Mulan. Wait... that's... that's not the point." I paused, trying to actually remember the point. "The point is...oh yeah. The point is you need to stop listening to my private conversations with Kurt."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He was trying to ignore me again, his eyes scanning the text in front of him.

"Oh, oh! Now I KNOW it was you! You're trying to pretend like it all didn't happen, just like last time, just like every time!"

He shifted a little, still engrossed in the article. "Blaine... I'm trying to read."

"No dad, no. You can't just ignore it anymore!" I was getting angry, in case you hadn't noticed. "Remember when I was little and you told me if I ate my crusts I'd grow up to be big and strong like Gaston, and I cried? Remember? I cried for like half an hour?" I was on one of my rants now. "That's because I didn't want to grow up to be like him. I've never wanted to be that guy! I wanted to be Belle dad! I wanted to be Belle!" I have to admit I did sound a little hysterical.

He slammed his paper down onto his lap, staring at me directly, the little veins on his neck pulsating in anger. "I'm not speaking to you when you're like this."

"Oh it's never a good fucking time!"

Did I just swear in front of my dad? I guess he'd already heard a whole load of expletives spill out my mouth on the phone... maybe the shock value had disapparated. Nothing like a bit of Harry Potter lingo to cheer me up.

"Blaine Anderson! Watch your mouth!"

"Oh now you're listening!" Time to take advantage of that. "So tell me dad, what exactly were you doing on the phone? How long were you there for?"

"Ok! Ok I admit it. I accidently picked up the phone. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Not really...

"But I am not going to even discuss this with you! We are going to completely forget about it!"

"As usual..." I mumbled, although I have to admit I was a little relieved.

"Fine! If you are dying to share it all with me then go ahead!"

"Did I mention it was a play?" Worth another shot...

He shook his head in disbelief. "You're not bringing him here again."

"Kurt?" I looked confused.

"No, bloody Aristotle... of course Kurt!"

I let out such a dramatic gasp that he jumped a little. My eyes narrowing as I pointed my finger at him like a dagger, waving it in disapproval. "You..." I was finding it hard to get past 'you'. You have to remember I was still very drunk. "You horrid insipid little man!"

He looked a little wounded. "Blaine... I'm not doing it to hurt you."

"You planned this! You planned this whole thing!"

"What...? What thing?"

"You were gathering evidence! You bugged all the phones! There's probably hidden cameras all over my room... Where are they dad? Where did you put them?"

"Blaine you're being irrational..."

"Oh just because I'm gay doesn't mean I don't watch CSI!" Ok I admit it... I'd never watched CSI.

"Blaine listen to me and listen well because I won't say this again. I don't want you bringing Kurt here. I don't want him in this house. I don't want you to talk to him on the phone. I don't even want you to mention him to me. The end."

"Oh so you want us to just have sex in the street now! How responsible!"

I don't think I've ever seen my dad look so shocked.

"Absolutely not Blaine! Absolutely not!"

"You can't stop me from seeing him you know? I won't stop seeing him. You can send me to another fucking school. We can move to the other side of the country. I will find a way."

"Can't you see how much you're hurting this family?" My dad wasn't going to quit. "How much you're hurting me... your mum? You're our only child Blaine..."

"And you're pushing me away!" I had tears streaming down my face now, anger quickly turning to depression in my intoxicated state, my head throbbing with the threat of migraine.

"Come here..." My dad patted the sofa and for once looked genuinely sympathetic. As soon as I sat down I got a whole lot worse, my sobs becoming more violent as my dad wrapped his arm around me. "I love you, you know? I know I don't say it very often, but I do."

"Love you too..." I managed to splutter, pressing my head into his shoulder which is the closest I've been to him in a long time. "But I'm not gonna change."

"How do you know until you've tried it? You're young Blaine. You've got plenty of time to figure out who you are, who you _should_ be."

I hated to admit it but he was kind of right. I mean what straight person hasn't dabbled with being homosexual on occasion? It couldn't hurt to try it, even if it was just for a bit of fun.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do tomorrow. I'm going to wake up and completely neglect my hair. I'm just going to leave it. I'll choose my clothes with the light still off and I'm going to attempt a straight conversation with a girl. Maybe I'll compliment her boobs. That's what straight guys do right? I've spent far too long at an all boy's school.

And I'll tell you what I'm definitely not going to do. I'm definitely not going to have sex with Kurt. You know what? I'm not even going to _think_ about sex with Kurt. For a whole day! Or maybe just the morning... or just the first hour... we'll see how it goes. I don't want to set my goals too high.

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><p><strong>So next chapter sex with Kurt!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok I lied.**

* * *

><p>It turns out being straight is a hell of a lot of hard work. It takes a lot of effort to look so bad. Seriously! It took me longer this morning to find an outfit that clashed and didn't match my shoes than it usually takes me to find a perfectly tailored presentable one. It's like when you're going out in costume, and even though it's hideous and you're dressing up as a zombified Princess Leia (one of my finer moments), you seem to take far longer to piece it together than you would if you were dressing up nicely.<p>

Eventually I settled for my Simon Cowell jeans, which I wore once during Warbler auditions as a joke, and my dad's "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" t-shirt which some work collegue had bought him last Christmas – he had not been amused. I decided it was probably best to wear that back to front and slide my blazer over the top. I couldn't cope without it. To complete the look I found a red baseball cap and placed it on my head sideways, 90s style. I looked horrendous. I would definitely not date me. But time to see if girls would...

My first stop was Quinn because she was ok to look at and desperate at the moment, as opposed to Rachel who was ok to look at and desperate all the time. I caught her at her locker and leant casually against the wall as I tried my first attempt at straight talk.

"Hey woman..."

She raised an eyebrow at me and then continued to delve into her locker. She didn't seem too impressed.

"Do you want something?"

"You could say that..." I tried to make that sound a little suggestible, all the while trying not to become too transfixed with her shoes. But man they were nice! I mean they had glitter on them! I could do with a little glitter on my shoes...

"Go on then?" She interrupted my thoughts, probably for the best. Concentrate Blaine, concentrate.

"Well you... me... we're not so different." I paused before quickly adding. "I mean we _are_ different... you're like a girl... and I'm totally not. You have all your girl interests and I have my manly ones... like football. I have a football poster in my room."

"Wow..." She feigned interest.

I was losing her, I needed to get the conversation back on track. "I like your boobs." I decided to compliment her, staring at them curiously, incredibly pleased that I'd put that out there.

"They're not fake." She replied, completely unfazed. "If you want fake ones you should ask Santana."

She slammed her locker shut and walked away before I could finish telling her that I didn't want a sex change. Fortunately I was completely over Quinn already. I could see Kurt chatting to Mercedes, or maybe his scarf, as he walked into class just seconds ahead of me.

I instantly remembered why I was gay... or my penis remembered anyway. It was the excitement of knowing someone else could get hard for you, as opposed to wet which is actually disgusting and makes me sick in my mouth. It was the comfort of something familiar, as opposed to something terrifying and alien that you don't understand or know your way around. Most importantly though, it was the fact that I found Kurt absolutely fucking gorgeous... and there was no sure way of explaining that. That was just something automatic.

I'd been awake how long now? An hour and a half? And I was already imagining Kurt coming in my hand. Still though I'd achieved my target. I'd lasted a whole hour without thinking about sex with Kurt! ...unless you counted this morning's masturbation session, and those 3 minutes in the car when Je t'aime came on the radio, and the few seconds opening my locker when I visualised the key being his penis and the lock being my hole...

But apart from those few little glitches, I'd done really really well. Too well in fact. I made it my aim to make up for all of the lost Kurt time my brain had suffered, and decided that my imagination needed to work overtime for the rest of the day. To start with... maybe a little heavy petting... then we'd work up to desperate 'please come down my throat' Kurt, and finish off with domineering 'beg me to fuck you until you scream' Kurt. Yes. That would do nicely.

* * *

><p>Now I'm not saying that I'm not attracted to Blaine today. I'm just saying that his outfit is enough to make me want to throw up all over the new Vivenne Westwood, and I'd still prefer to wear that covered in vomit than try out Blaine's new look. Poor thing. Must be ill.<p>

"You ok?" I approached him cautiously, as if the disease was catching. There was no way I was swapping my tartan Alexander McQueen jacket for a baggy t-shirt that someone might have died in.

"Yeah fine." He smiled at me, like we'd been apart for so long he'd forgotten what I looked like and he'd finally got me back.

"You look ill..."

"Oh it's probably withdrawal symptoms..."

"Withdrawal from what?"

This was the first time I'd ever seen Blaine look embarrassed.

"Doesn't matter."

"Why are you..." I felt a bit bad asking, I didn't want to insult him. "Why are you wearing that hat?"

"Oh just trying something out..." He immediately took it off and smoothed down his hair, tucking it away in his bag.

"Oook..." There was blatantly something going on that he didn't want me to know about. "Did you talk to your parents?"

"God Kurt! It was awful!" He began. "I got drunk!"

"You didn't..."

"I was off on one! I asked my dad if he wanted us to have sex in the street!"

"Oh my god."

"And he was all like 'absolutely not!'"

As Blaine told me the story, I couldn't help thinking he'd left out some important details. It was probably to do with the fact that his dad hated me and Blaine didn't want me to get upset.

"I mean I totally love Belle but I didn't need to take it that far..."

I stroked his cheek lovingly. "I have no idea what you're talking about now."

He laughed. "I think I'm falling in love with you."

For a moment I was utterly stunned. I needed a rewind button. I was desperate to hear those words again. Unfortunately Blaine didn't seem to notice how taken aback I was and all I got next was a:

"Let's go and have sex in my car to piss my dad off. There'll be cameras..."

So I couldn't even savour the moment.

* * *

><p>We didn't make it to the car. Ok I hold my hands up. It was me. <em>I<em> didn't make it to the car. But Kurt was so clingy that I couldn't contain myself. He was all over me. I pushed us both into a disabled toilet and slammed the door behind us, locking it in case Artie felt the need to interrupt.

"We don't have to... do this again..." I gasped as Kurt pulled off my clothes, quickly dropping my blazer to the floor. I've never seen him so eager to get me out of an outfit, maybe it had something to do with the fact that the outfit was horrific, but I liked to think that it was because I was simply irresistible.

"This is different..." He panted as his fingers got to work on my belt buckle. "It's not like last time."

He turned me around to try and loosen my belt at the back, then stopped suddenly.

"Blaine... is there something you need to tell me?"

I wracked my brain for something I might need to tell him, should I tell him I masturbated over him this morning, that I'd attempted to hit on Quinn?

"Like what?" I decided to play it safe.

"Don't worry I'm not going to leave you. I'll support you whatever you choose to do."

I turned to face him. "Kurt... what are you...?"

"You're pregnant." He smiled.

It took me 2 seconds to figure out that he was referring to my dad's t-shirt, after which I immediately smiled back.

"Oh yeah, completely slipped my mind."

"Congratulations." Kurt leaned in for a deep congratulatory kiss, his hands sliding over my baby bump and rubbing it gently.

I couldn't help but laugh, completely spoiling our special moment.

"So who's the lucky father?" For some reason he looked a little hopeful, a sign that he might have been getting a bit too carried away.

"Kurt... I can't believe you even have to ask..."

"Ah so it's Harry Potter." He grinned.

"Shut up I don't even fancy him!" I protested a little too quickly.

He gave me a sympathetic peck on the lips.

"But Blaine... we haven't even..." He drifted off, his eyes searching mine for help.

"Had sex?"

He nodded, and to be honest looked a little curious.

"Would you... would you like to?" I decided to question him. "I mean I know I ask this every time we go into the toilets..." I couldn't finish that sentence. I knew it was incredibly inappropriate.

Thankfully he didn't seem discouraged.

"Not here..." He looked thoughtful.

"No. Not here." I said it as if I wouldn't even dream of such vulgarity, but we both knew I would've been extremely up for it.

"Not at your house..."

"We'd have to do it in the street at my house." I reminded him.

He paused again, before suggesting "Do you want to come to my house? Say about 8:00? That way I have time to get ready..."

I don't know why he needed 5 whole hours to prepare but the very thought of that got me more than a little excited. I had so many images running through my head, maybe I'd walk into a candle lit room and he'd be sprawled out on the bed in his underwear, maybe he'd be dressed as Harry Potter or one of my many other embarrassing fantasies, fuck me it was all too much to think about.

"Sure." That was my attempt to sound laid back, but I could hardly contain myself.

I immediately leaned back in to kiss him, hoping to get our toilet session in gear. The way I saw it, it was like a starter before our main course, but Kurt had other ideas.

"Ah ah." He shook his finger. "Save yourself. You don't want to spoil your appetite."

It was a shame because all this talk had given me one hell of a hard-on.

I guess it was all for the best though. I could easily have got carried away... and then I'd have to spend the rest of my life knowing I lost my virginity in my Simon Cowell jeans and my dad's t-shirt. I really don't think he'd appreciate that.

Looking back, today had been quite a productive day. I'd figured out that no matter what you wore you could still bag yourself some gay sex, and that glitter was definitely the way forward when it came to shoes. As for attempting to be straight, fuck it. I gave it a go. I spoke to a girl for a whole 30 seconds. What more could my dad have wanted?

* * *

><p><strong>I just couldn't make them lose their virginity in a toilet, didn't seem right. Anyway next chapter they HAVE to have sex because I've set it all up for them. They're going to spend ages getting ready and fretting about it all, and then when one of them least expects it BAM there's a penis up their arse. It's the way God would have wanted it.<strong>


End file.
